“Sons need their dad to show them how to be a man. My dad was amazing in so many ways. He taught me a lot. However, somewhere along the way, there were things that were missed in bringing me into manhood.” — B.J. Foster
Few questions are more important for a young man than this one:
What does it mean to be a man?
It’s a question that every generation must answer, yet it seems increasingly difficult to answer today.
For all our advancements in technology, communication, and education, there remains tremendous confusion about masculinity. Many young men enter adulthood without a clear understanding of what manhood actually is, how they arrive there, or who is supposed to help them get there.
The result is that many males grow older without ever truly becoming men.
Age alone does not produce maturity.
Responsibility does not automatically produce character.
And masculinity is about much more than strength, independence, or success.
Biblical manhood is cultivated.
It is learned.
It is modeled.
It is passed from one generation to the next.
That is why B.J. Foster’s observation is so compelling. His father taught him many valuable things, but he felt something essential was missing in the journey toward manhood itself.
I suspect many men would say the same.
Some were blessed with strong fathers who modeled godly character.
Others had fathers who were absent, disengaged, or simply unsure how to guide a son into maturity.
Whatever our story, the question remains:
How do we intentionally move toward biblical manhood?
Foster identifies four important pillars: Identity, Belonging, Voice, and Celebration. While these ideas are helpful, I believe Scripture allows us to deepen each one and root it more firmly in a biblical understanding of manhood.
Manhood Does Not Happen Accidentally
Nothing significant happens by accident.
Athletes train intentionally.
Businesses grow intentionally.
Marriages thrive intentionally.
The same is true of manhood.
The Bible consistently presents maturity as a deliberate pursuit.
When David prepared Solomon to become king, he didn’t simply tell him to grow older.
He said:
“Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God.” (1 Kings 2:2-3)
Notice the connection.
Showing yourself a man was directly tied to following God.
Biblical manhood begins with character before competence.
Before achievement.
Before success.
Before influence.
The destination is not merely adulthood.
The destination is godly maturity.
Let’s consider four pillars that help us get there.
Pillar #1: Identity
Every man builds his life on an answer to the question:
Who am I?
The world offers countless answers.
Your career.
Your accomplishments.
Your athletic ability.
Your income.
Your popularity.
Your appearance.
Your political views.
Your relationships.
The problem is that all of these things can change.
When identity is built on temporary things, instability follows.
Scripture begins somewhere much deeper.
A man’s primary identity is not found in what he does.
It is found in whose he is.
For the Christian, identity begins in Christ.
We are adopted sons.
Redeemed sinners.
New creations.
Children of God.
Before we become husbands, fathers, leaders, or providers, we become men whose identity is rooted in Christ.
This is critical because every other aspect of manhood flows from identity.
If I don’t know who I am, I will spend my life looking for validation from achievements, possessions, relationships, or the approval of others.
Many men exhaust themselves trying to prove something that God has already settled.
Biblical manhood begins by understanding who God says you are.
Pillar #2: Belonging
One of the great tragedies of modern culture is isolation.
Men have more digital connections than ever while experiencing less genuine connection than previous generations.
Yet Scripture consistently presents growth as occurring within community.
God did not design men to walk alone.
We need brothers.
Mentors.
Fathers.
Friends.
Churches.
Community provides encouragement, accountability, correction, and support.
It reminds us that we are part of something larger than ourselves.
B.J. Foster points out that fathers play a unique role in helping sons feel valued and accepted.
That observation is important.
A father’s affirmation carries tremendous weight.
However, our ultimate sense of belonging must go even deeper.
Our worth cannot rest entirely on the approval of a parent, coach, employer, spouse, or peer group.
Those relationships matter, but they cannot carry the weight of our identity.
True belonging begins with belonging to God.
When a man understands that he is fully known and fully loved by God, he becomes less desperate for approval from everyone else.
That security allows him to engage relationships from a position of strength rather than insecurity.
Pillar #3: Voice
A mature man develops his voice.
Not volume.
Not dominance.
Voice.
Voice is the ability to confidently express what is true, good, and necessary.
Many men struggle here.
Some remain silent because they fear rejection.
Others speak constantly but have little substance to say.
Biblical manhood avoids both extremes.
A godly man learns to speak with courage and humility.
He speaks truth.
He offers wisdom.
He protects the vulnerable.
He encourages others.
He confronts wrongdoing when necessary.
Proverbs repeatedly connects wisdom with speech.
The wise man knows when to speak.
He also knows when not to.
Voice grows from conviction.
Conviction grows from truth.
And truth grows from spending time in God’s Word.
One reason many men lack confidence in their voice is because they haven’t spent enough time establishing convictions.
They know what they feel.
They aren’t sure what they believe.
A man who knows God’s truth can speak with calm confidence because he is standing on something larger than his own opinion.
Pillar #4: Celebration
This may be the most overlooked pillar of all.
Throughout history, cultures have marked the transition from boyhood to manhood through ceremonies, milestones, responsibilities, and celebrations.
Modern culture often lacks these markers.
As a result, many young men drift into adulthood without ever receiving meaningful affirmation or recognition of maturity.
Celebration matters because it communicates significance.
It says:
“You have reached a new stage.”
“You are ready for greater responsibility.”
“We see your growth.”
“We affirm your character.”
In Scripture, milestones are frequently remembered and celebrated.
God instructed His people to establish memorials, feasts, and ceremonies that reminded them of His faithfulness and marked important moments.
Men need those moments too.
Not because they have arrived.
But because growth deserves recognition.
For some men, this may involve a meaningful conversation with a father.
For others, it may be a conversation with a mentor.
For still others, it may simply be spending time with God and recognizing His faithfulness in shaping their lives.
Celebration creates gratitude.
And gratitude fuels continued growth.
The Fifth Pillar Behind Them All
As helpful as these four pillars are, there is one pillar beneath all the others.
The fear of the Lord.
Proverbs repeatedly returns to this foundational truth:
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10)
Without reverence for God, identity becomes self-centered.
Belonging becomes approval-seeking.
Voice becomes self-expression.
Celebration becomes self-congratulation.
The fear of the Lord properly orients all four.
It reminds us that manhood is not ultimately about becoming impressive.
It is about becoming faithful.
Faithful to God.
Faithful to truth.
Faithful to our responsibilities.
Faithful to the people God has entrusted to us.
Helping the Next Generation Become Men
Perhaps the greatest takeaway from these four pillars is that they are not only personal.
They are transferable.
Every man has opportunities to help shape the next generation.
Sons.
Grandsons.
Nephews.
Students.
Athletes.
Young men at church.
Neighbors.
Coworkers.
Someone is watching.
Someone is learning.
Someone is asking questions about manhood.
The question is whether we are intentionally helping answer them.
Men become men partly because other men help them get there.
The greatest contribution many of us may make is not what we accomplish ourselves but who we help become godly men.
The world does not simply need more males.
It needs more men.
Men who know who they are.
Men who belong to God.
Men who speak truth with courage.
Men who celebrate God’s work in others.
Men who fear the Lord.
Men who understand that biblical manhood is not a destination reached once and for all, but a lifelong pursuit of becoming more like Christ.
Because in the end, the truest measure of manhood is not how closely we resemble cultural ideals of masculinity, but how closely we resemble the perfect man, Jesus Christ.