“For a husband is a man who practices husbandry, or cultivation. Like a master gardener, his job is to so nurture and tend to his wife that she brings forth flowers.” — Scott Hubbard
Most Christians are familiar with Proverbs 31.
Mention the chapter and people immediately think of the “Proverbs 31 woman”—the virtuous wife whose strength, wisdom, diligence, and fear of the Lord have inspired countless sermons, books, Bible studies, and even businesses.
My wife named her coaching business after Proverbs 31.
But what if we’ve missed something?
What if Proverbs 31 doesn’t just tell women who they should become?
What if it also tells men who they should be?
Scott Hubbard suggests exactly that. His observation is both simple and profound: a godly woman flourishes best alongside a godly man. Like a master gardener cultivating a thriving garden, a husband is called to nurture, encourage, protect, and support the woman God has entrusted to him.
That idea immediately raises an important question:
What does a Proverbs 31 man look like?
The answer begins much earlier than Proverbs 31.
Before Proverbs 31 Comes Proverbs 1–30
One of the mistakes we often make when reading Proverbs 31 is isolating it from everything that came before it.
The description of the virtuous woman appears at the end of the book, not the beginning.
Thirty chapters of wisdom precede her appearance.
For thirty chapters Solomon repeatedly addresses themes such as:
- Fearing the Lord
- Pursuing wisdom
- Exercising self-control
- Guarding one’s heart
- Working diligently
- Speaking truthfully
- Avoiding foolishness
- Receiving correction
- Walking humbly
- Trusting God
In many ways, Proverbs 31 is the culmination of everything that has been taught throughout the book.
The woman described in Proverbs 31 is the embodiment of wisdom.
But wisdom is not exclusively feminine.
The same wisdom that produces a Proverbs 31 woman should also produce a Proverbs 31 man.
Before a man can become the kind of husband described in Scripture, he must first become the kind of man Proverbs has been preparing him to be all along.
The Forgotten Beginning of Proverbs 31
Most discussions about Proverbs 31 begin in verse 10.
Scripture begins much earlier.
The opening verses contain advice given by King Lemuel’s mother to her son.
Her counsel is remarkably relevant for modern men.
She warns him against self-indulgence.
She calls him to self-control.
She urges him to protect justice.
She challenges him to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.
She calls him to use his influence wisely.
These are not merely instructions for kings.
They are instructions for men.
Every man possesses some measure of influence.
Every man is entrusted with opportunities to lead.
Every man will affect the people around him either positively or negatively.
Before Proverbs 31 describes the woman a man should admire, it describes the character he should possess.
The chapter begins by shaping the man before describing the woman.
That order matters.
Becoming a Proverbs Man
The goal is not simply becoming a Proverbs 31 husband.
The goal is becoming a Proverbs man.
Marriage does not magically transform a man into a godly leader.
Character is developed long before wedding vows are exchanged.
A young man who embraces biblical wisdom today is preparing himself for whatever God has planned tomorrow.
Whether God calls him to marriage, singleness, leadership, fatherhood, ministry, or business, the principles remain the same.
Kevin Swanson identifies several recurring themes throughout Proverbs that serve as a framework for wise living:
Truthful Speech
A Proverbs man values truth.
His words are trustworthy.
He understands that words can heal or harm, build up or tear down.
Rather than using speech to manipulate, impress, or dominate, he uses it to encourage, instruct, and bless.
Diligent Work
Proverbs repeatedly contrasts diligence with laziness.
A Proverbs man understands that work is not a curse but a calling.
He develops discipline.
He fulfills responsibilities.
He contributes rather than consumes.
Self-Control
Many men are capable of strength.
Far fewer are capable of restraint.
Proverbs consistently teaches that true strength includes mastery over appetites, emotions, impulses, and desires.
A man who cannot govern himself cannot effectively lead others.
Humility
Wisdom begins when pride ends.
A Proverbs man remains teachable.
He receives correction.
He welcomes instruction.
He recognizes that growth requires admitting he does not know everything.
Fear of the Lord
This is the foundation beneath every other virtue.
Proverbs 1:7 tells us:
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.”
A man may possess intelligence, skill, education, and experience.
Without reverence for God, he lacks the foundation of wisdom.
A Man Who Is For Women
One of the most overlooked aspects of biblical masculinity is that a godly man is genuinely for women.
Not against them.
Not threatened by them.
Not competing with them.
Not diminishing them.
Supporting them.
Encouraging them.
Protecting them.
Helping them flourish.
Scott Hubbard highlights three characteristics of the husband described in Proverbs 31.
Interestingly, each characteristic applies whether a man is married or not.
He Trusts Her
“The heart of her husband trusts in her.” (Proverbs 31:11)
Trust reflects respect.
A godly man recognizes and appreciates godly character.
He values integrity wherever he finds it.
He Values Her Strength
The Proverbs 31 woman is industrious, capable, wise, and resourceful.
Her husband is not intimidated by her strengths.
He celebrates them.
Biblical masculinity is secure enough to rejoice in the gifts of others.
He Praises Her
“Her husband also, and he praises her.” (Proverbs 31:28)
A godly man is generous with encouragement.
He notices faithfulness.
He recognizes excellence.
He affirms character.
Publicly and privately, he uses his words to build others up.
Reclaiming Biblical Masculinity
Few words today generate more confusion than masculinity.
Some portray masculinity as inherently toxic.
Others reduce it to aggression, dominance, or power.
Neither picture reflects biblical manhood.
Dr. Tim Clinton offers a much healthier perspective:
“The focus is more on character… on being a man after God’s own heart.”
That description echoes David’s final charge to Solomon:
“Be strong, and show yourself a man.” (1 Kings 2:2)
Notice what follows.
David does not tell Solomon to become richer.
More powerful.
More feared.
More influential.
He tells him to walk in God’s ways.
The essence of biblical masculinity is not power.
It is character.
Jesus Himself demonstrates this perfectly.
No man has ever been stronger.
No man has ever exercised greater authority.
Yet no man has ever shown greater humility, compassion, gentleness, courage, or self-sacrifice.
Strength and tenderness coexisted perfectly in Christ.
That is the model.
Men Beget Men
One of the recurring themes throughout Scripture is that godly men intentionally invest in other men.
Moses mentored Joshua.
David shaped Solomon.
Paul discipled Timothy.
Older men taught younger men.
Wisdom was passed from generation to generation.
This remains one of the greatest needs of our time.
Many young men today have inherited confusion about identity, responsibility, purpose, and manhood.
They need examples.
They need mentors.
They need men who embody wisdom.
The best way to reclaim biblical masculinity is not through arguments.
It is through example.
Men who fear God.
Men who keep their word.
Men who love their families.
Men who work diligently.
Men who remain humble.
Men who encourage others.
Men who live wisely.
The Long View of Manhood
The beauty of Proverbs 31 is not simply that it describes an excellent woman.
It reveals what wisdom produces over a lifetime.
Character.
Faithfulness.
Fruitfulness.
Strength.
Dignity.
Influence.
These qualities do not emerge overnight.
They are cultivated over years.
The same is true for men.
A Proverbs 31 man is not created in a moment.
He is shaped through daily obedience.
Through choices.
Through discipline.
Through humility.
Through walking with God.
Before becoming the husband a Proverbs 31 woman desires, a man must first become the Proverbs man God intends him to be.
And whether married or single, young or old, that remains one of the most important pursuits a man can undertake.