“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” — John 13:35
What Are You Known For?
I am really uncomfortable being asked a question like this, so I thought I would just ask you instead.
What are you known for?
Are you known for your intelligence? Your work ethic? Your accomplishments? Your political convictions? Your sense of humor? Your success?
Or are you known by your love?
Not just by your family and closest friends, but by neighbors, coworkers, casual acquaintances, and even total strangers.
That is essentially what Jesus is saying in John 13:35:
“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Think about that for a moment.
Jesus could have said that His followers would be known by their knowledge of Scripture. He could have pointed to their morality, their convictions, their courage, or their commitment to truth.
All of those things matter.
Yet Jesus singled out love.
Not as an optional characteristic.
Not as one virtue among many.
But as the defining mark of His disciples.
The question isn’t whether we occasionally demonstrate love. The question is whether love is so evident, so consistent, and so distinctive that it becomes what people think of first when they think of us.
Why Love?
What is so important about love that Jesus made it the primary evidence of discipleship?
The answer is surprisingly simple.
Because love is fundamentally about someone other than ourselves.
Intelligence can be used for self-promotion.
Success can be used for self-glorification.
Influence can be used for self-advancement.
Even truth can be wielded in ways that elevate ourselves rather than serve others.
But biblical love forces us outside ourselves.
It directs our attention toward God and toward others.
Love is visible. It is relational. It is costly. It is difficult to fake for very long.
Most importantly, love reflects the very character of God.
As the Apostle John later writes:
“God is love.” (1 John 4:8)
If disciples are becoming like their Master, then love should increasingly characterize their lives.
Jesus is the standard.
And when we compare ourselves to Him, we quickly realize how far we still have to go.
The Love Standard
Consider Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13.
At all times, on all occasions, love:
- is patient
- is kind
- does not envy
- does not boast
- is not arrogant
- is not rude
- does not insist on its own way
- is not irritable
- is not resentful
- does not rejoice in wrongdoing
- rejoices in the truth
- bears all things
- believes all things
- hopes all things
- endures all things
And perhaps most remarkably:
Love never ends.
Now read that list again and substitute Jesus’ name.
Jesus is patient.
Jesus is kind.
Jesus does not envy.
Jesus does not boast.
Jesus is not arrogant.
Jesus is not rude.
Every characteristic fits perfectly.
Who wouldn’t want Jesus as a friend?
On some days, at some times, I may reflect a few of those qualities. But it isn’t that we should compare ourselves to Christ as much as recognize the contrast and allow God to continue transforming us into the image of His Son.
By God’s grace and strength, that is where we are headed.
Why Loving Others Is So Hard
If love is so central, why is it so difficult?
Because we naturally love ourselves.
That may sound harsh, but it is simply reality.
C.S. Lewis made this observation:
“For a long time I used to think this a silly, straw-splitting distinction: how could you hate what a man did and not hate the man? But years later it occurred to me that there was one man to whom I had been doing this all my life – namely myself.”
Lewis understood something profound.
We routinely extend grace to ourselves while withholding it from others.
We excuse our own failures.
We explain away our own sins.
We understand our own motives.
But when others fail, we often judge quickly and harshly.
The problem is not that we don’t know how to love.
The problem is that we reserve our best love for ourselves.
Which means the greatest threat to love is not ignorance.
It is selfishness.
As pastor Erik Raymond writes:
“If we are going to persevere this brotherly love amid adversity we need to know what the problem is. What impedes brotherly love? What derails it? What suffocates it? In short: selfishness.”
Selfishness suffocates love.
Love gives.
Selfishness takes.
Love serves.
Selfishness demands.
Love sacrifices.
Selfishness protects itself.
Every relationship struggle eventually finds its way back to this conflict.
What Love Looks Like in Real Life
Love is more than a feeling.
It is not merely affection.
It is not sentimentality.
The New Testament repeatedly describes love through actions.
Brotherly love (phileo) carries the idea of affection, appreciation, and committed care for another person.
When we survey the New Testament, love looks like this:
- Speaking well of one another.
- Avoiding unnecessary offense.
- Helping fellow believers remain faithful.
- Having difficult conversations when needed.
- Bearing burdens.
- Encouraging the discouraged.
- Correcting with gentleness.
- Serving without seeking recognition.
Love is not passive.
Love moves toward people.
Love engages.
Love invests.
Love sacrifices.
Love acts.
Where Love Becomes Visible
One of the most practical places love becomes visible is friendship.
Drew Hunter notes that friendship is not a luxury for Christians.
It is a necessity.
As image-bearers of a relational God, we were created for meaningful relationships.
Yet many of us settle for shallow conversations and surface-level connections.
Hunter suggests two simple ways to deepen friendships:
First, drop conversations one notch deeper.
Ask thoughtful questions.
Move beyond sports, weather, and work.
Learn what someone fears, hopes, believes, and values.
Second, invite people into what you are already doing.
Grab coffee.
Take a walk.
Watch a game.
Share a meal.
Friendship grows through shared life.
Love becomes visible when we intentionally make room for people.
The Source of Love
Ultimately, this kind of love cannot be manufactured.
We do not produce it simply by trying harder.
The source of love is loving God.
Jesus made this clear in Matthew 22.
The greatest commandment is:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
Only then does He add:
“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
The order matters.
Our love for others flows from our love for God.
The more we understand God’s love toward us, the more capable we become of extending that same love to others.
As Drew Hunter writes:
“God made us for more. He made us in his own image, the image of a triune God who exists in communal love. Therefore, friendship is not a luxury; it’s a relational necessity. We glorify God by enjoying him and reflecting his relational love with one another.”
The more we delight in God, the more naturally love begins flowing outward.
Known by Love
Every one of us is known for something.
People associate us with certain qualities, habits, attitudes, and priorities.
The question is whether love tops that list.
Jesus did not say people would know us by our preferences.
He did not say they would know us by our arguments.
He did not say they would know us by our accomplishments.
He said they would know us by our love.
Imagine how much more likely people would be to receive truth if it consistently arrived wrapped in love.
Imagine how much stronger our friendships would become.
Imagine how different our churches would look.
Imagine how different we would look.
Jon Bloom offers a simple prayer that serves as an appropriate conclusion:
“Whatever it takes, Lord, increase my capacity to love until I love you with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind, and love my neighbor as I love myself.”
That is the prayer of someone who wants to be known by love.